2002 STUDY: ORGANIZING INFORMATION

CAUSE - EFFECT


THE CAUSE OF ME ATTEMPTING TO ADDRESS THE TOPIC OF STRESS AND A LOVED ONE WITH A DIAGNOSES OF SCHIZOPHRENIA ... WHY I WAS NOT TOTALLY-STRESSED OUT GIVEN MY OWN EXPERIENCES AS A PARENT WITH TWO CHILDREN WITH SUCH DIAGNOSES. AND, A CHILD WITH A DIAGNOSES OF SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE. THE DOCTOR IN DENVER SUGGESTED I WRITE A BOOK TO HELP OTHER PARENTS. EFFECT: Gives me something to do with my time, in 2002 time was not a possession I owned.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION:

• Clinical Study focused upon GENETICS and SCHIZOPHRENIA
• Year: 2002
• 8-hour SESSION of NON-STOP FORM questions
• INTERROGATED by a DENVER DOCTOR SPECIALIZING IN SCHIZOPHRENIA
• All questions over an 8-hour time period were pointed only at: ME and my RESPONSES to very specific situations previously prepared for ALL PARENTS.
  
• SPECIAL would NOT describe what I was feeling during those 8-hours
• EVERY CRIME of my own human behavior, I TRIED VERY HARD TO CONFESS MY OWN PERSONAL SHORTCOMINGS IN MOTHERING during my four children's own childhood for the MOTIVE that I wanted to help this doctor's greater understanding about SCHIZOPHRENIA so they could maybe help others suffering such medical diagnoses
  
• DEFENSE MECHANISM is an area of my own study focused upon the topic of SUBSTANCE ABUSE. I held personal awareness that this doctor given the questions shot at me had heard EVERY DEFENSE MECHANISM OR COPING MECHANISM that a human could come up that acts to deny personal adult accountability. (Simple examples: excuses, justification, intellectualizing 'why we did something', blaming someone that 'made us act a certain way or do things')
• This doctor could be described as VERY TALENTED at keeping the person he was INTERROGATING on track and wandering off the question was not allowed.
• Responses to each question asked me would find comparison to having three or four lines to write an answer to a question. You would get a chance to write an answer taking a page for example. SHORT and SIMPLE answers.
• This 8-hour session began with the doctor describing what would be taking place. When breaks were taken and the time allotted for the breaks. The atmosphere was what I would term a very formal business atmosphere.
  
• I personally was given the impression that many other parents were given and would be given the same questions by this doctor and keeping within time limits was very essential. In my own words the doctor attempted to make it very clear this WAS NOT ABOUT ME but many VERY PERSONAL QUESTIONS WOULD BE ASKED ABOUT ME. (NOT WHAT I EXPECTED!) I thought that I would only be asked questions regarding my children with their own diagnoses of schizophrenia. I held no clue should would ask me questions regarding my own childhood with each parent, each grandparent, and my great grand parent. There were questions that I would call marital questions, employment related questions and all very SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.
• I was alerted as to my 'last question' and upon my response, I was given a very formal type closing statement and the words finally 'we're done'.
• I held the expectation that 'we're done' meant what was spoken. Then this doctor started interrogating with non-prepared questions that essentially took me completely off guard. I was actually experiencing compassion for this doctor having to listen to me for 8-hours and try to transcribe what I had said into a meaningful form.
  
• I was about 52 years old and if I had been a 30 year old, I would have been crying through those 8-hours BEFORE getting to even questions regarding my childhood. At the age of 30 my childhood memories were so buried under fresh painful memories they would have found resembles to chests full of stuff dropped into an ocean. I knew they were there but I did not have the time to go swimming down into the ocean and pull those chests up to the boat so to speak. I totally understand the word BUSY.
  
• TIME to THINK ABOUT MYSELF is considered by me a GIFT that arrives by what I call The Universe. It is not anything I have intentionally done with forethought. It was in 1984 that I added MIRACULOUS to the word UNIVERSE thanks to Albert Einstein's quote about the two paths a person can chose in life. In 1984, I definitely NOT headed on the path of seeing miracles ALL THE TIME. So I made the conscious decision to use my expression MIRACULOUS UNIVERSE.

MIRACULOUS UNIVERSE: A term that is annexed to the word STRESS in my thinking.