My Beloved is ONE alone; Everywhere my eyes seem Him only. In search of love, I came to this world, but after seeing the world I wept, for I felt coldness on all sides, and I cried out in despair, "Must I too Become cold?". And with tears, tears, tears, I nurtured that plant with tenderness which I had almost lost within my heart. Putting reason in the churn of love, I churned and churned. Then I took the butter for myself.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

use of touch; skin My first memory of connecting my REMEMBRANCES and when I began

MOST ANCIENT OF MY REMEMBRANCES as a type of hand signal/directed to self:
The very slight tap on the side of face with my index figure would be used by me TO WAKE UP and REMEMBER adults think different than me.

In Kindergarten in 1955, I recall doing this at that age as an almost automatic behavior by this very young age. At that age I just thought 'all kids' did that to remember about the way Adults think different. This was not a negative thing and just like a helping tool.

Today I would call it a type of way to help me not get confused when adults would start talking and I didn't understand what they were saying.

I think it that I experienced so much confusion to young attempting to understand what a maternal grandmother was saying that I developed as a type of result from this mental confusion. I was so young I really do not recall 'motive' it just became automatic.

By doing this tapping it was like saying, WAKE UP LINDA ... AND doing this was also a comfort and a way telling myself 'IT IS ALRIGHT, ADULTS TALK DIFFERENT THAN YOU AND YOU WILL LEARN WHEN YOU GO TO SCHOOL" .. that is just a type of description of what I was thinking at that young age describable as pre-school. SCHOOL meant where I would go and be a smart adult. I had differentiated CHILDREN-ADULT-BABIES.

School teachers were important so I could get smart and I saw it VERY IMPORTANT not to get confused and to listen very closely so I would be a SMART ADULT. As an adult woman, I would say it was my child-made way to keep my attention focused because it was hard to keep my attention from wandering to watch other kids around me or other things that could take my attention from my teacher.

I call this a type of REMEMBRANCE TOOL - this is the earliest one I recall

At the time I was learning my abc's and 123's I experienced real confusion. At this age I could not understand spelling that well and the word ONE used in my abc's sounded just like the ONE that my teacher said that I used in my 123's. When the teacher spoke that word it sounded the same but didn't mean the same because I could write a "1" but then I would have to try to spell "one". I do believe I recall this because I made an actual decision to really focus my attention with my tapping to WAKE ME UP. I really made a hard effort to focus concentration. Making these memories more vivid in contrast to drawing, etc.

As such a little girl I thought that this was why ADULTS were smart there were these things I had to figure out. So I began to my REMEMBRANCE tap each time we would change between abc's and 123's. It helped my confusion and made me REMEMBER that ADULTS talk different than children. It made me feel like I was starting to figure things out. I did well in school and looking back it was a real help. But that tapping of REMEMBRANCE for 123's is like a REAL HABIT even to this day. However, I don't focus on too many numbers anymore. It's like when I concentrate with numeric figures it is a different concentration than with reading. I am very much aware of the difference. But words seem to lack this difference ..

The simple word ONE was my first confusion in that time before I knew how to spell the word and only heard that word.

It had become just AUTOMATIC by the time of High School and it is embarrassing to say that I was still using this automatically when I sat down in my Physics class. However, it really did help my understanding of mathematics which I call a science in contrast to arithmetic that as an adult today I call the fine art of money changing.

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