My Beloved is ONE alone; Everywhere my eyes seem Him only. In search of love, I came to this world, but after seeing the world I wept, for I felt coldness on all sides, and I cried out in despair, "Must I too Become cold?". And with tears, tears, tears, I nurtured that plant with tenderness which I had almost lost within my heart. Putting reason in the churn of love, I churned and churned. Then I took the butter for myself.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

YOU ARE THE KNOWER

TO ME, I HAVE ALWAYS VIEWED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE THAT I HAD TO LEARN AND IT ONLY CONFUSES OTHERS. AT THE AGE OF 60, I UNDERSTAND MY HATRED OF THIS LANGUAGE SYSTEM CARRIED TO THIS CONTINENT SO LONG AGO IN AMERICAN HISTORY. YOU DO NOT BLAME PEOPLE, YOU BLAME THE TOOL THEY USE TO COMMUNICATE.

THERE IS SEVERE NEED FOR A VOCABULARY THAT IS A TOOL TO COMMUNICATE, RATHER THAN A TOOL FOR A SYSTEM OF WRITTEN LAWS.

I had two brothers that had developed their own language system with motion and sound attaching their own sounds prior to their own language development. As their older sister, I learned and could communicate with my younger brothers and remembered.

NO ONE realized that I too could speak what they called TWINERISM requiring only several months of speech therapy. My brothers forgot their language, but their older sister could still speak it, but no one to speak it with. I was 3 and 4 years older than my younger brothers and at a different stage of language development. I falsely assumed as a little girl EVERYONE knew this language it was so easy and then was told it was a bad thing to do and that it had hurt my little brothers. Carrying secrets come in all forms. This secret stayed hidden under so many painfilled memories of adulthood.

My own way of viewing the world around is the way my younger brothers taught me and the vocabulary spoken and written is only a tool that you can chose to practice. I had carried real anger and pain from childhood hearing adults that were significant in my life such as an Elementary school principle and teachers laugh about my younger brothers. Their laughter was also laughing at me, because I should have been included. Adult's ignorance and lack of knowledge can injure little ones and I am a person that has to vocabulary to speak of those wounds. I can use a tool, and the written and spoken LANGUAGE is a tool.

At the age of 23 years old in 1973 having on a 2-year Associate Degree in Fashion, I obtained a job that I have frequently termed a once noble profession that was taken over by Title Insurance. To become a Registered and Bonded Abstracter of Real Property in 1973 it was a requirement to take a 2-day state exam. The first day covered the contents of a Law School Property Conveyancing books related to only real property and not personal property. My husband at the time took such a class in Law School and his test on this subject matter was not 8 hours as was mine.

The second day was the actual abstracting of all the legal documents that would pertain to a specifically describe tract of real estate. Real property is term that relates to just the ground you are standing on where as personal property will be structures for example. Real estate is a term I would see used to determine VALUE.

I have skills of an Abstracter and those skills are rare. In the 70's you had to train under another person to do the actual abstracting of the legal papers. An Abstract of Title was frequently folded similar to map with a rubber band. Your Abstract would kept in a bank vault or other safe place. I would charge for each entry such as deeds, mortgage, assignments, releases, etc., and also per page of court documents such as divorces, estates, foreclosures. A tax entry would be made at the time of I certified title with my signature. Bond was required if I would have missed a document, I then held financial accountability. The Abstract would subsequently be read by an attorney for his rendering of a Title Opinion. My customers were real estate agents, bankers, and private individuals buying and selling real estate.

I took this 2-day Nebraska state exam in 1973 without knowing I was pregnant with my first baby subsequently born in January of 1994. Shortly after his birth, my husband and I moved to our small rural hometown where my husband started his own solo law practice. At this time of our lives his mother was the elected Register of Deeds of the county. When I went to the county courthouse I would always enjoy my children's grandma and watching her show all her many, many pictures of her grandchildren. My son was born in 1973, my oldest daughter in 1974, my middle daughter in 1978 and my youngest daughter in 1979.

Due to the old pain yet to be even seen by my adult eyes. Childhood memories become sometimes so irrelevant when you are busy as an adult. I was so busy. The home my husband and I purchased had an office annexed that I used to open my own Abstracting Company. It worked so good because my business was not heavy. There were two other Abstracting companies in this small town at that time. It worked so good to only be away from my children for several hours in the afternoon to go to the courthouse to research title records in the various offices. I grew up in this town and knew people and finding a babysitter for several hours to come into my home gave me a chance to get out and be able to also pick up groceries, etc.

Abstracting also required my abilities to draw maps of the specifically described real estate description for inclusion in the Abstract of Title. Also my Abstracts required a special entry as to my certifying that all was correct. Today I can see that this was IDEAL job for me to make money.

ORIENTATION IN TIME AND PLACE is part of this unspoken language my brothers taught me. Likewise the map making skills I could manifest were part of this very easy but so hard to explain manner of communicating one to another. COMMUNICATION is an English word that I intend to address in this writing.

In



IT WAS ONLY REMEMBERING WHAT MEANINGS I HAD PUT ON MY 10 FINGERS THAT SAVED MY LIFE FROM ATTEMPTED SUICIDE IN 1991. IF MY BROTHERS HAD NOT TAUGHT THEIR SISTER, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD AT THE AGE OF 41.


THE ONLY WAY I CAN DESCRIBE WHAT WAS ON MY FINGERS WAS AN EXPRESSION FROM ONE OF MY OWN FOUR CHILDREN'S BOOKS WHEN THEY WERE SMALL THAT I READ TO EACH IN THEIR OWN TIME. IT IS FROM DOCTOR SUESSS AND THE CAT IN THE HAT.


I AM WHAT I AM SAYS THE CAT FROM SIAM

WHEN I SPEAK THAT WITH MY FINGERS IT IS SPEAKING TO MYSELF, A REMEMBRANCE. A REMBRANCE THAT I HAD ATTACHED WHEN MY BABIES WERE SO SMALL. IT CALLS ME BACK TO HOLDING MY LITTLE BABIES. AND I CRY. BABIES ARE SMALL SUCH A SHORT TIME.

YOU DON'T NEED YOUR MEMORY FOR REMEMBRANCE, MEMORY IS A TOOL AS ARE THE SPOKEN AND WRITTEN LANGUAGES.

A DOCTOR IN DENVER IN 2002 SAID I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK TO SHARE. IT IS SO, SO DIFFICULT WHEN OTHERS DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SPEAK MEANING.

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