Learning to stand as; OBSERVER

Looking at Feet literally,

Choosing to regard your OWN SELF: as observing either a particle or a wave

STANCE OF OBSERVER OF SELF: Determines whether you see yourself as a particle or wave (hard concept)

SELF AS PARTICLE: childhood concrete cognition
SELF AS WAVE: ABSTRACT THINKING OF ADULTHOOD

The POSITIVE effects of being called "another one of those youngn's" by a great grandfather born in 1875

Using words to describe yourself - VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

From earliest childhood memories until today

CONCEPTS TO BE DIRECTED DURING CHILDHOOD: WORD TO LEARN AND ADD TO YOUR ACTIVE VOCABULARY: Defense Mechanism

TURNING A WORD LEARNED TOWARDS LEARNING OF SELF

DEFENSE MECHANISM is an area of my own study focused upon the topic of SUBSTANCE ABUSE. I held personal awareness that this doctor given the questions shot at me had heard EVERY DEFENSE MECHANISM OR COPING MECHANISM that a human could come up that acts to deny personal adult accountability. (Simple examples: excuses, justification, intellectualizing 'why we did something', blaming someone that 'made us act a certain way or do things')

WORD TO LEARN AND ADD TO YOUR ACTIVE VOCABULARY: Defense Mechanism

2002 STUDY: ORGANIZING INFORMATION

CAUSE - EFFECT


THE CAUSE OF ME ATTEMPTING TO ADDRESS THE TOPIC OF STRESS AND A LOVED ONE WITH A DIAGNOSES OF SCHIZOPHRENIA ... WHY I WAS NOT TOTALLY-STRESSED OUT GIVEN MY OWN EXPERIENCES AS A PARENT WITH TWO CHILDREN WITH SUCH DIAGNOSES. AND, A CHILD WITH A DIAGNOSES OF SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE. THE DOCTOR IN DENVER SUGGESTED I WRITE A BOOK TO HELP OTHER PARENTS. EFFECT: Gives me something to do with my time, in 2002 time was not a possession I owned.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION:

• Clinical Study focused upon GENETICS and SCHIZOPHRENIA
• Year: 2002
• 8-hour SESSION of NON-STOP FORM questions
• INTERROGATED by a DENVER DOCTOR SPECIALIZING IN SCHIZOPHRENIA
• All questions over an 8-hour time period were pointed only at: ME and my RESPONSES to very specific situations previously prepared for ALL PARENTS.
  
• SPECIAL would NOT describe what I was feeling during those 8-hours
• EVERY CRIME of my own human behavior, I TRIED VERY HARD TO CONFESS MY OWN PERSONAL SHORTCOMINGS IN MOTHERING during my four children's own childhood for the MOTIVE that I wanted to help this doctor's greater understanding about SCHIZOPHRENIA so they could maybe help others suffering such medical diagnoses
  
• DEFENSE MECHANISM is an area of my own study focused upon the topic of SUBSTANCE ABUSE. I held personal awareness that this doctor given the questions shot at me had heard EVERY DEFENSE MECHANISM OR COPING MECHANISM that a human could come up that acts to deny personal adult accountability. (Simple examples: excuses, justification, intellectualizing 'why we did something', blaming someone that 'made us act a certain way or do things')
• This doctor could be described as VERY TALENTED at keeping the person he was INTERROGATING on track and wandering off the question was not allowed.
• Responses to each question asked me would find comparison to having three or four lines to write an answer to a question. You would get a chance to write an answer taking a page for example. SHORT and SIMPLE answers.
• This 8-hour session began with the doctor describing what would be taking place. When breaks were taken and the time allotted for the breaks. The atmosphere was what I would term a very formal business atmosphere.
  
• I personally was given the impression that many other parents were given and would be given the same questions by this doctor and keeping within time limits was very essential. In my own words the doctor attempted to make it very clear this WAS NOT ABOUT ME but many VERY PERSONAL QUESTIONS WOULD BE ASKED ABOUT ME. (NOT WHAT I EXPECTED!) I thought that I would only be asked questions regarding my children with their own diagnoses of schizophrenia. I held no clue should would ask me questions regarding my own childhood with each parent, each grandparent, and my great grand parent. There were questions that I would call marital questions, employment related questions and all very SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.
• I was alerted as to my 'last question' and upon my response, I was given a very formal type closing statement and the words finally 'we're done'.
• I held the expectation that 'we're done' meant what was spoken. Then this doctor started interrogating with non-prepared questions that essentially took me completely off guard. I was actually experiencing compassion for this doctor having to listen to me for 8-hours and try to transcribe what I had said into a meaningful form.
  
• I was about 52 years old and if I had been a 30 year old, I would have been crying through those 8-hours BEFORE getting to even questions regarding my childhood. At the age of 30 my childhood memories were so buried under fresh painful memories they would have found resembles to chests full of stuff dropped into an ocean. I knew they were there but I did not have the time to go swimming down into the ocean and pull those chests up to the boat so to speak. I totally understand the word BUSY.
  
• TIME to THINK ABOUT MYSELF is considered by me a GIFT that arrives by what I call The Universe. It is not anything I have intentionally done with forethought. It was in 1984 that I added MIRACULOUS to the word UNIVERSE thanks to Albert Einstein's quote about the two paths a person can chose in life. In 1984, I definitely NOT headed on the path of seeing miracles ALL THE TIME. So I made the conscious decision to use my expression MIRACULOUS UNIVERSE.

MIRACULOUS UNIVERSE: A term that is annexed to the word STRESS in my thinking.

CONCEPT: THUMB AS YOUR THINKING FINGER

THUMB AS YOUR THINKING FINGER

My personal memories from a time period of pre-school with a man born in 1875 requires AN ADULT VOCABULARY to actually describe. THUMB AS YOUR OWN THINKING FINGER is the only words I can find to describe this CONCEPT.

I have found out the manner that other adults use the word THINKING will not be mine when "I'm thinking". Little wonder the word COGNITIVE was invented!

I called MY OWN THUMB as what made me different from all kinds of animals that I was learning about in my preschool experiences that began with a special teddy bear as SOMETHING DIFFERENT. As such a little girl I connected MY OWN THUMB to thinking about so many animals as I SUCKED MY THUMB. My THINKING WAS FUN but then I realized that my THUMB was bad. CONFUSION is all I can recall. I understand the PACIFYING EFFECTS OF A MANUFACTURED PACIFIER.

However, in my own personalized history of my own childhood my thumb was seen by me as having an ADULT USE to help me when I got MAD. Only as an adult the words CONCRETE COGNITION entered my own vocabulary to wrap words around this confusion as a small child.

However, if I used this THINKING FINGER PRESSED AGAINST MY INDEX FINGER, I did realize it WORKED to stop me from actually making a fist and hitting my younger brothers when they mad me mad. I HAD TO TAKE TIME to think about a TIGER and how that TIGER could eat me. Sounds so stupid to say as an adult. This TECHNIQUE FOR ANGER that my great grandfather taught me WORKED.

This has left me with a KNOWING that is beyond words that humanity is so SPECIAL. When I encountered the quote by ALBERT EINSTEIN in about 1982

LEARNING BY STORYTELLING IS ALSO VERY DIFFICULT TO 'EXPLAIN'

My first teacher on the word STRESS was a great grandfather born in 1875 - his TEACHINGS through story telling is WHY I'm not DEAD from STRESS

SANTA CLAUS - Just 'another old guy' whose job it is 'to help those poor parents' trying to make money for eveyone to have a place to live and something to eat, they don't have to spend that darn money on presents that they don't have.

TIME OUTSIDE OF TIME - LEARNING TIME as a preschooler

FACE

FACE OF A CLOCK: TIME

I had the unique experience of having TWO ADULTS teach me how to tell time EACH AT TWO DIFFERENT TIMES.

From a maternal grandmother born in 1897 I associate a CLOCK with THE TIME when I stopped playing and had to CONCENTRATE to learned ABOUT my ABC's symbolized only by a DICTIONARY.

PRESCHOOL LEARNING OF THE WORD NUMBERS THAT WERE ALSO ON THE FACE OF A CLOCK AND USED IN SCHOOL - LEARNING THE TWO DIFFERENT WAYS YOU WILL BE USING THEM DARN NUMBERS
*Physics was my favorite subject in High School

From my fraternal grandfather born in 1875 I associate a CLOCK with learning my 123's. Looking back as an adult these SPECIAL TIMES TO LEARN ABOUT THEM DARN NUMBERS was always started with being able to hold his pocket watch on a long chain that he would let me hold. He told me stories about working and getting that watch as a PRESENT after years. He said there was 'no darn way a little kid like me could under what a year was'. (Darn was a word I learned from Gramps that had REAL MEANING as a small child).

While I got to hold this SPECIAL PRESENT BELONG TO GRAMPS he would tell me that we 'had to get serious and do some learning' AND the watch was put back into his pocket and he would then hand me change
such as pennies, nickles and dimes. I associated 123's with MONEY before I entered kindergarten. I learned that the WORDS: ONE TWO THREE, ETC. WAS ASSOCIATED WITH MONEY. He would set a coin and it was like a guessing game but it was told me that this was LEARNING and when we were done LEARNING he would put that money back into his pocket and then I could 'go off and play like a kid, that's what kids are suppose to do.

He would tell me "don't you start worrying about how to use your darn crayons to try to draw those darn numbers, it's hard enough to understand them darn numbers NUMBERS. Those always give kids a problem in school trying to figure them out. He told me to hold my face and make a CONFUSED expression to let me know if I WAS CONFUSED. He would tell me there was no 'darn way' that a big person KNOWS when a little person can't figure something out. That was the way I could TALK TO HIM to let him know if those 'darn numbers weren't making any sense'.

As an adult I can describe this method as learning to associate the sounds of HIS SPEAKING THE WORD ONE, TWO, THREE to be associated with SOMETHING. He would repeatedly tell me 'don't you start worrying about them darn numbers, it's hard'. He told me don't you start worrying about trying to MEMORIZE those darn numbers, you will learn to do that when you get older and go to school. That's what those darn school do, teach you to LEARN about how to USE THOSE NUMBERS.

Gramps used the expression "those fancy numbers that you use if you want to build a house, but I doubt if you will grow up to be house building - those are fancy ways to use numbers". He would talk about it as I got to hold the money. I entered school seeing a difference between the words ARITHMETIC and MATHEMATICS. Took a long time for me to figure that one out. Today I merely say ARITHMETIC is the fine art of money changing and MATHEMATICS is a science. Wish I could have said that at the age of 20!!

It is is no wonder that I entered adulthood FEELING LIKE I WAS STRANGE. And, if I can put blame on anything is the BLASTED FACE OF A CLOCK and the ENGLISH WORD FACE.

MY PRESCHOOL TEACHERS born in the 1800's that taught me my ABC's and 123's BEFORE kindergarten experiences - BOTH understanding I would be CONFUSED

MY OWN PRE-SCHOOL AGE TEACHERS METHODS OF TEACHING SMALL CHILDREN ARE NOT THE USUAL METHODS THAT I HAVE ENCOUNTERED IN SINCE REACHING ADULTHOOD.

Time outside of Time - Crucial idea in understanding this TEACHING METHOD FOR PRESCHOOL AGE CHILDREN BY ADULTS

I experienced TIMES SET ASIDE AS DIFFERENT THAN NORMAL PLAY by both.

Time outside of Time



My Great Grandfather (born 1874) would have a time he called 'LEARNING ABOUT GOING TO SCHOOL so you will be ready to understand them darn numbers'


IN THE SAME MANNER as my Grandmother (born 1897) would have a special time when she would "show me the meaning of letters of the ABC's that I would SOMEDAY learn so that I could WRITE those letters. There was NO MEMORIZATION OF THE ABC's only the SYMBOL OF A SPECIAL DICTIONARY that she would take put on the table to explain that this was what those ABC's were used for."



2 PRE-SCHOOL TEACHERS born in the 1800's that taught me my ABC's and 123's BEFORE kindergarten experiences - BOTH understanding I would be CONFUSED

1. PRESCHOOL TEACHERS

A. ADULT HUMANS

1. TECHNICAL TERMS

One of the MOST DIFFICULT TASKS as an adult was separating SPECIFIC ADULTS IN MY ENVIRONMENT AT THE AGE OF PRESCHOOL into writing the TECHNICAL TERM that arrives with college age definitions.

• mother
• father
• grandmother
• grandfather
• great grand father
• sunday school teacher
• friends of parents

ne

use of touch; skin My first memory of connecting my REMEMBRANCES and when I began

MOST ANCIENT OF MY REMEMBRANCES as a type of hand signal/directed to self:
The very slight tap on the side of face with my index figure would be used by me TO WAKE UP and REMEMBER adults think different than me.

In Kindergarten in 1955, I recall doing this at that age as an almost automatic behavior by this very young age. At that age I just thought 'all kids' did that to remember about the way Adults think different. This was not a negative thing and just like a helping tool.

Today I would call it a type of way to help me not get confused when adults would start talking and I didn't understand what they were saying.

I think it that I experienced so much confusion to young attempting to understand what a maternal grandmother was saying that I developed as a type of result from this mental confusion. I was so young I really do not recall 'motive' it just became automatic.

By doing this tapping it was like saying, WAKE UP LINDA ... AND doing this was also a comfort and a way telling myself 'IT IS ALRIGHT, ADULTS TALK DIFFERENT THAN YOU AND YOU WILL LEARN WHEN YOU GO TO SCHOOL" .. that is just a type of description of what I was thinking at that young age describable as pre-school. SCHOOL meant where I would go and be a smart adult. I had differentiated CHILDREN-ADULT-BABIES.

School teachers were important so I could get smart and I saw it VERY IMPORTANT not to get confused and to listen very closely so I would be a SMART ADULT. As an adult woman, I would say it was my child-made way to keep my attention focused because it was hard to keep my attention from wandering to watch other kids around me or other things that could take my attention from my teacher.

I call this a type of REMEMBRANCE TOOL - this is the earliest one I recall

At the time I was learning my abc's and 123's I experienced real confusion. At this age I could not understand spelling that well and the word ONE used in my abc's sounded just like the ONE that my teacher said that I used in my 123's. When the teacher spoke that word it sounded the same but didn't mean the same because I could write a "1" but then I would have to try to spell "one". I do believe I recall this because I made an actual decision to really focus my attention with my tapping to WAKE ME UP. I really made a hard effort to focus concentration. Making these memories more vivid in contrast to drawing, etc.

As such a little girl I thought that this was why ADULTS were smart there were these things I had to figure out. So I began to my REMEMBRANCE tap each time we would change between abc's and 123's. It helped my confusion and made me REMEMBER that ADULTS talk different than children. It made me feel like I was starting to figure things out. I did well in school and looking back it was a real help. But that tapping of REMEMBRANCE for 123's is like a REAL HABIT even to this day. However, I don't focus on too many numbers anymore. It's like when I concentrate with numeric figures it is a different concentration than with reading. I am very much aware of the difference. But words seem to lack this difference ..

The simple word ONE was my first confusion in that time before I knew how to spell the word and only heard that word.

It had become just AUTOMATIC by the time of High School and it is embarrassing to say that I was still using this automatically when I sat down in my Physics class. However, it really did help my understanding of mathematics which I call a science in contrast to arithmetic that as an adult today I call the fine art of money changing.

The BABY BUGGY SYMBOL

Dr in denver ... wanted me to share non-verbal skills .. tough assignment

Dr in denver ... wanted to share what I remembered .. so tough when I was so young to describe

DEVELOPMENT OF MOTOR SKILLS DURING EARLY CHILDHOOD

MARKING YOUR OWN OBSERVATION POINT IN PLACE AND TIME

SPECIFIC SIMPLE EXAMPLE OF OBSERVATION POINT IN PLACE AND TIME:

I went there - I had to run to my appointment in the afternoon
I went there - I crawled to the car after the bars closed

MY OBSERVATIONS FROM STANCE OF: Small child

EXPANSION OF VOCABULARY

MY OBSERVATIONS FROM STANCE OF age of about 3 years old: OF THE word BROTHER

My own two younger brothers - A lot different DOLLIES were delivered from Santa to my Mommie because she went another place to get her gifts from Santa Claus. At this age I had not connected the ideas of PREGNANCY - NEWBORNE the name I gave to the CONCEPT was DOLLY at this age.

... The first brother younger than myself has a birthday of January 5, 1953
...In January of 1953, I was going to celebrate my 3rd birthday on April, 1953

IN THE BEGINNING: Was HEARD human voices and others heard a PRIMAL scream: The SELF and OTHERS

PRIMAL SCREAM

primal definition:

pri·mal
adj \ˈprī-məl\
Definition of PRIMAL
1
: original, primitive primal innocence — Van Wyck Brooks>
2
: first in importance : primary


PRIMAL + SCREAM

PRIMAL SCREAM

Primal therapy is a trauma-based psychotherapy created by Arthur Janov, who argues that neurosis is caused by the repressed pain of childhood trauma. Janov argues that repressed pain can be sequentially brought to conscious awareness and resolved through re-experiencing the incident and fully expressing the resulting pain during therapy. Primal therapy was developed as a means of eliciting the repressed pain; the term "Pain" is capitalized in discussions of primal therapy when referring to any repressed emotional distress and its purported long-lasting psychological effects. Janov criticizes the talking therapies as they deal primarily with the cerebral cortex and higher reasoning areas, and do not access the source of Pain within the more basic parts of the central nervous system.

Primal Therapy is used to re-experience childhood pain--i.e., felt rather than conceptual memories--in an attempt to resolve the pain through complete processing and integration--becoming "real." An intended objective of the therapy is to lessen or eliminate the hold early trauma exerts on adult life.

Primal therapy became very influential during a brief period in the early 1970s, after the publication of Janov's first book, The Primal Scream. It inspired hundreds of spin-off clinics worldwide, and served as an inspiration for many popular cultural icons. John Lennon, actor James Earl Jones and pianist Roger Williams were prominent advocates of Primal Therapy.^[1] Primal therapy has since declined in popularity, partly because Janov has not produced the outcomes studies necessary to convince research-oriented psychotherapists of its effectiveness. Janov and others continue to advocate and practice the therapy or various developments of it.

MY OWN BRAIN - THE WORD ONE

MY MEANING OF WORDS WILL NOT BE YOUR MEANING OF SIMPLE WORDS

This picture OF MY OWN BRAIN
is the only way I can describe MY adult MEANING OF THE WORD ONE
This requires a VISUAL definition

I cannot attach words to this and trust me I have tried
this also what the word ONE meant to me BEFORE kindergarten

A VISUAL HAS MEANING TO ME

MY ACTIVITY IS TO LITERALLY TOUCH MY HEAD WITH MY right index FINGER TO CHANGE THESE ACTIVITIES AUTOMATICALLY. I learned as a little girl THESE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS COMPLETELY.

MY REMEMBRANCE is an actual physical movement of my arm to my own head and I use my index finger to actually touch my head. I do this automatically when I see LETTERS and NUMBERS. I was maybe in Kindergarten when I started to do this on a daily basis. I then thought EVERY ONE touched their heads to go from NUMBERS 123's TO abc's because they both used the WORD ONE. This was prior to reading and writing in my own life. I was so, so little. I KNEW the English word ONE meant different things, and you touched your head when one was used in reading and one was used in arithmetic.

When I realized that I was the only one that HAD TO TOUCH MY HEAD to know the difference between the activities of reading and doing arithmetic, I FELT SHAME THAT I HAD TO DO IT so I could get a good grade. It seemed to help and I didn't understand WHY.

The English word THAT CAN BE WRITTEN OR SPOKEN:
ONE is a word used both in WRITING and in MATHEMATICS.

As a little girl perhaps in Kindergarten I KNEW that I HAD TO SEPARATE THE MEANING of the word ONE that was so easy for me to speak into another MEANING when the teach started talking about numbers. This was my initial point that I can recall from my own memories of a CHOSEN MENTAL ACTIVITY THAT WAS WORK!!!!

• SPEAKING
• ABC'S
• 123's

REMEMBRANCE ATTACHED TO BODY: ACTIVITY OF "TO REMEMBER"

DIFFERENCES OF MALE AND FEMALE BRAIN

REMEMBRANCE ATTACHED TO BODY: ACTIVITY OF TO REMEMBER

This ability that my little brothers communicating with ONLY EACH OTHER taught ME.

THIS WAS THE HARDEST TO SORT OUT IN MY OWN MIND,
I THOUGHT EVERYONE DID THIS.

THIS IS LEARNED AT THE STAGE A MOTHER
KNOWS WHAT HER BABY IS SAYING BY TONE OF VOICE

It was only after the age of 41 in the year of 1941, that I AWOKE TO THIS INNATE ABILITY that my little brothers taught me by my watching their non-spoken behavior between each other prior to their own motor skills to coordinate their mouths to EVEN SPEAK.

THE WORD SURVIVAL WAS THE KEY WORD I NEEDED DISCOVER TO UNLOCK A TYPE OF KEY FOR SELF UNDERSTANDING

POINTING my right index FINGER TO my HEAD
IS MY OWN VERBAL ACTIVITY 'to remember' like telling myself this is VERY IMPORTANT FOR SURVIVAL TO REMEMBER
versus memorization

SPEAKING:: I think different than you do IS A TRUTH - INNATE TRUTH

INNATE
Small children DO NO KNOW HOW to lie.

The IDEAL world in connection with the word IDEA: FALSE EXPECTATION

This is what discovered after VERY HARD personal work to be one of the MOST DIFFICULT to separate. The only way personal that I can separate this is by my own personally SPOKEN WORDS: Return yourself back to those time when you were maybe waiting to enter Kindergarten and you OWN idea of HOLDING something.

I HELD FALSE EXPECTATIONS

YOU ARE THE KNOWER

TO ME, I HAVE ALWAYS VIEWED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE THAT I HAD TO LEARN AND IT ONLY CONFUSES OTHERS. AT THE AGE OF 60, I UNDERSTAND MY HATRED OF THIS LANGUAGE SYSTEM CARRIED TO THIS CONTINENT SO LONG AGO IN AMERICAN HISTORY. YOU DO NOT BLAME PEOPLE, YOU BLAME THE TOOL THEY USE TO COMMUNICATE.

THERE IS SEVERE NEED FOR A VOCABULARY THAT IS A TOOL TO COMMUNICATE, RATHER THAN A TOOL FOR A SYSTEM OF WRITTEN LAWS.

I had two brothers that had developed their own language system with motion and sound attaching their own sounds prior to their own language development. As their older sister, I learned and could communicate with my younger brothers and remembered.

NO ONE realized that I too could speak what they called TWINERISM requiring only several months of speech therapy. My brothers forgot their language, but their older sister could still speak it, but no one to speak it with. I was 3 and 4 years older than my younger brothers and at a different stage of language development. I falsely assumed as a little girl EVERYONE knew this language it was so easy and then was told it was a bad thing to do and that it had hurt my little brothers. Carrying secrets come in all forms. This secret stayed hidden under so many painfilled memories of adulthood.

My own way of viewing the world around is the way my younger brothers taught me and the vocabulary spoken and written is only a tool that you can chose to practice. I had carried real anger and pain from childhood hearing adults that were significant in my life such as an Elementary school principle and teachers laugh about my younger brothers. Their laughter was also laughing at me, because I should have been included. Adult's ignorance and lack of knowledge can injure little ones and I am a person that has to vocabulary to speak of those wounds. I can use a tool, and the written and spoken LANGUAGE is a tool.

At the age of 23 years old in 1973 having on a 2-year Associate Degree in Fashion, I obtained a job that I have frequently termed a once noble profession that was taken over by Title Insurance. To become a Registered and Bonded Abstracter of Real Property in 1973 it was a requirement to take a 2-day state exam. The first day covered the contents of a Law School Property Conveyancing books related to only real property and not personal property. My husband at the time took such a class in Law School and his test on this subject matter was not 8 hours as was mine.

The second day was the actual abstracting of all the legal documents that would pertain to a specifically describe tract of real estate. Real property is term that relates to just the ground you are standing on where as personal property will be structures for example. Real estate is a term I would see used to determine VALUE.

I have skills of an Abstracter and those skills are rare. In the 70's you had to train under another person to do the actual abstracting of the legal papers. An Abstract of Title was frequently folded similar to map with a rubber band. Your Abstract would kept in a bank vault or other safe place. I would charge for each entry such as deeds, mortgage, assignments, releases, etc., and also per page of court documents such as divorces, estates, foreclosures. A tax entry would be made at the time of I certified title with my signature. Bond was required if I would have missed a document, I then held financial accountability. The Abstract would subsequently be read by an attorney for his rendering of a Title Opinion. My customers were real estate agents, bankers, and private individuals buying and selling real estate.

I took this 2-day Nebraska state exam in 1973 without knowing I was pregnant with my first baby subsequently born in January of 1994. Shortly after his birth, my husband and I moved to our small rural hometown where my husband started his own solo law practice. At this time of our lives his mother was the elected Register of Deeds of the county. When I went to the county courthouse I would always enjoy my children's grandma and watching her show all her many, many pictures of her grandchildren. My son was born in 1973, my oldest daughter in 1974, my middle daughter in 1978 and my youngest daughter in 1979.

Due to the old pain yet to be even seen by my adult eyes. Childhood memories become sometimes so irrelevant when you are busy as an adult. I was so busy. The home my husband and I purchased had an office annexed that I used to open my own Abstracting Company. It worked so good because my business was not heavy. There were two other Abstracting companies in this small town at that time. It worked so good to only be away from my children for several hours in the afternoon to go to the courthouse to research title records in the various offices. I grew up in this town and knew people and finding a babysitter for several hours to come into my home gave me a chance to get out and be able to also pick up groceries, etc.

Abstracting also required my abilities to draw maps of the specifically described real estate description for inclusion in the Abstract of Title. Also my Abstracts required a special entry as to my certifying that all was correct. Today I can see that this was IDEAL job for me to make money.

ORIENTATION IN TIME AND PLACE is part of this unspoken language my brothers taught me. Likewise the map making skills I could manifest were part of this very easy but so hard to explain manner of communicating one to another. COMMUNICATION is an English word that I intend to address in this writing.

In



IT WAS ONLY REMEMBERING WHAT MEANINGS I HAD PUT ON MY 10 FINGERS THAT SAVED MY LIFE FROM ATTEMPTED SUICIDE IN 1991. IF MY BROTHERS HAD NOT TAUGHT THEIR SISTER, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD AT THE AGE OF 41.


THE ONLY WAY I CAN DESCRIBE WHAT WAS ON MY FINGERS WAS AN EXPRESSION FROM ONE OF MY OWN FOUR CHILDREN'S BOOKS WHEN THEY WERE SMALL THAT I READ TO EACH IN THEIR OWN TIME. IT IS FROM DOCTOR SUESSS AND THE CAT IN THE HAT.

I AM WHAT I AM SAYS THE CAT FROM SIAM

WHEN I SPEAK THAT WITH MY FINGERS IT IS SPEAKING TO MYSELF, A REMEMBRANCE. A REMBRANCE THAT I HAD ATTACHED WHEN MY BABIES WERE SO SMALL. IT CALLS ME BACK TO HOLDING MY LITTLE BABIES. AND I CRY. BABIES ARE SMALL SUCH A SHORT TIME.

YOU DON'T NEED YOUR MEMORY FOR REMEMBRANCE, MEMORY IS A TOOL AS ARE THE SPOKEN AND WRITTEN LANGUAGES.

A DOCTOR IN DENVER IN 2002 SAID I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK TO SHARE. IT IS SO, SO DIFFICULT WHEN OTHERS DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SPEAK MEANING.

Self Acceptance - Also called acknowledging your UNIQUENESS

Reaching that proverbial mountain top of self-acceptance, we have been doing a heck of a lot of climbing and falling off of rocks, running into stone walls, breaking our legs and being a general problem to many around us also climbing in order to reach actual self-acceptance when you know what it REALLY means to have a QUIET MIND and not read some book's definition for that cognitive stance.

(END OF BOOK) Neurocognitive Disorder - schizophrenia was a word invented in 1912

I HOLD COMPASSION FOR THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS
HEARING THE WORD SCHIZOPHRENIA ATTACHED TO A LOVED ONE

A neuron or nerve cell that can be found in our brains

A neuron (pronounced /ˈnjʊərɒn/ N(Y)OOR-on, also known as a neurone or nerve cell) is an electrically excitable cell that processes and transmits information by electrical and chemical signaling. Chemical signaling occurs via synapses, specialized connections with other cells. Neurons connect to each other to form networks. Neurons are the core components of the nervous system, which includes the brain, spinal cord, and peripheral ganglia. A number of specialized types of neurons exist: sensory neurons respond to touch, sound, light and numerous other stimuli affecting cells of the sensory organs that then send signals to the spinal cord and brain. Motor neurons receive signals from the brain and spinal cord and cause muscle contractions and affect glands. Interneurons connect neurons to other neurons within the same region of the brain or spinal cord.

A typical neuron possesses a cell body (often called the soma), dendrites, and an axon. Dendrites are filaments that arise from the cell body, often extending for hundreds of micrometres and branching multiple times, giving rise to a complex "dendritic tree". An axon is a special cellular filament that arises from the cell body at a site called the axon hillock and travels for a distance, as far as 1 m in humans or even more in other species. The cell body of a neuron frequently gives rise to multiple dendrites, but never to more than one axon, although the axon may branch hundreds of times before it terminates. At the majority of synapses, signals are sent from the axon of one neuron to a dendrite of another. There are, however, many exceptions to these rules: neurons that lack dendrites, neurons that have no axon, synapses that connect an axon to another axon or a dendrite to another dendrite, etc.

All neurons are electrically excitable, maintaining voltage gradients across their membranes by means of metabolically driven ion pumps, which combine with ion channels embedded in the membrane to generate intracellular-versus-extracellular concentration differences of ions such as sodium, potassium, chloride, and calcium. Changes in the cross-membrane voltage can alter the function of voltage-dependent ion channels. If the voltage changes by a large enough amount, an all-or-none electrochemical pulse called an action potential is generated, which travels rapidly along the cell's axon, and activates synaptic connections with other cells when it arrives.

Neurons of the adult brain do not generally undergo cell division, and usually cannot be replaced after being lost, although there are a few known exceptions. In most cases they are generated by special types of stem cells, although astrocytes (a type of glial cell) have been observed to turn into neurons as they are sometimes pluripotent. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurons

If there is something I can point my finger at that causes me mental stress,
it is the childish word SCHIZOPHRENIA.

ITS NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE PSYCHIATRISTS
I JUST DISLIKE THEIR WORD SCHIZOPHRENIA

A psychiatrist is an adult that has spends years focused gaining information and knowledge on the word schizophrenia. Textbooks, manuals, dictionaries, etc., have the word SCHIZOPHRENIA printed within them. I sincerely doubt they will trash all that paper and have everyone learn a new word.

But as another adult wearing human flesh like a psychiatrist, when I watch someone I love swallow pharmaceuticals, those chemicals are headed to a place within their physical bodies and they are not directed to run and jump in a MIND THAT IS SPLIT like the Grand Canyon is split. The admonishment is to be childlike not childish and I keep returning to my conclusion that the word schizophrenia is childish. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but schizo is a word used to insult in the world outside the doors of a hospital.

With the credentials of an adult human, it is my real opinion that the above picture should be hung in a large size and placed in an area where both patients and visitors can have VISUAL awareness of the complexity faced when even thinking about the cell structure of a NEURON. I have met far to many young adults when I have been a visitor that are patients because they had not been taking their meds.

I have absolutely no attraction to the job taken on by a person choosing to study psychiatry. I have taken chemistry in high school and did well, but as far as prescribing pharmaceuticals in connection to cells such as a neuron with chemical electrical activity, it is not my proverbial cup of tea. I have listened to other parents now for over 15 years and my last experience was just several months ago. So, so many talk about their adult children's medications like those prescriptions belonged to the parent. They knew the names and doses and times for ingestion. I just personally have never been called into a psychiatrists office for consultation on drug choices or dosages. I have personally chosen to refer to medication as HIS MED CASE. My own MED CASE routine reinforces that those meds are HIS and not his parent's and is another topic. Codependent is a word that was birthed in 1983, and a word I wish that had been around earlier.

In 1994 a psychiatrist made his diagnosis and handed this mother the word schizophrenia attached to my son. My own personal opinions in regard to that childish word made absolutely no difference. Rather, by 1995 I began referring to my son's diagnosis as:

A disorder affecting the very delicate chemical balance in his brain, and the brain is the primary organ within our central nervous system.

Longer sentence and takes more air to spit out, but at least it carries information to the ears of another human that hears it. I do not chose to speak the word schizophrenia on any consistent basis, and that is my choice and a choice based upon the best interest of a loved one. This is one serious disorder of our central nervous system and statistics relating to result of the symptom named suicidal ideation could easily be pulled off the internet right now. If this mother does not have the eyes to see the the complexity of pharmaceutical intervention in the activity of neurons, how can I expect humans around me to learn and gain information as to the seriousness of a psychiatric ward. It is not a joke.

I had a son with a wrist bracelet similar to the ones put on wandering Alzheimer patients to buzz the nurses station if he got too close to doors. It was the winter of 1996-97 and I falsely assumed my son was safe in the hospital for a med adjustment on a very cold night. I got a knock on my door and my 6'4" son was standing there with a short sleeve shirt and no coat with snow all over him. He had a smile and said, "Mom, I wanted to come home" and came in totally oblivious to the cold and having walked over 10 blocks from the hospital. I wrapped him in blanket to try to warm him up and called the nurses station. I actually argued with them when they said I was wrong, "he's in his room". I responded, I am his mother, I know my son and it him sitting here with me. That same winter a young man close to his age with the same diagnoses was found dead due to exposure. His body had been found outside and he had froze to death. Sensitivity to hot and cold is a function of our CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM.

This is a disorder carrying the real capacity to KILL. I could die before the morning and tonight I know that my son realizes the importance of HIS MED CASE. He received his Bachelor of Arts degree in 2007 taking one class at a time, living independently and saving money to pay tuition and book costs from a very small Social Security Disability check. This is my son that a doctor in Denver in 2002 said had rated a 10 of having the most severe symptoms of schizophrenia. This doctor referred to him as a MIRACLE in 2002 saying most with that score would be facing institutionalization for the rest of their lives.

I do not play games with the word schizophrenia.



Entry Not Finished

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major topics/sections

Value System
Vocabulary Base for human behavior
Vocabulary Base for Brain and Mind
Disuse of non-descriptive word: Problem
Description of those around me/self
Paradigm: View People, Places and Situations Around Me
Expectation
Styles of Communication

BINARY WORD SYMBOLS vs. duality

** WAVE-PARTICLE of Quantum physics .. remember for tomorrow
Demonstrates ideas in BINARY
Physics 'law of attraction' remember also


DUALITY HAS BECOME A TIRED WORD

duality

late 14c., from O.Fr. dualité (14c.), from L.L. dualitas, from L. dualis (see dual).

DUALITY is an English word that has arrived through European History from the Latin that was also another language that was writing and spoken back in time within the Roman Empire. It hit our shores with the Pilgrims and that dinner with the duality of the Pilgrims and the Indians. Working together just doesn't seem an idea I can find in that English word DUALITY that also gave us a duel with a couple guys walking paces and shooting. Dual is not an English word I personal find myself ATTRACTED to. Attract is an IDEA found our word electromagnetism.

Theology books abound focused upon the English word DUALITY. It has served its purpose and time for retirement. The on/off of electricity is called BINARY and this is a word much more applicable with light switches in our homes and computers on our desks.

The electrical chemical activity in our Central Nervous System provides us understanding of our being that in the past humans had so much difficulty in attempting to put into words. Our English word ATOM came from ancient Sanskrit, and a language that did not have to travel through the history of Europe. This word entered our English language in a form that accommodates scientists to get their heads around. The word duality just isn't cutting it. The on/off component of electricity and then you add in electromagnetism, we have some neat nifty words in this age!

That box that is sitting there with a computer screen provides an example of IMITATION. However, there is NOT the electrical/chemical component of our TREE-LIKE neuron cell found in our central nervous system.

LOGOGRAM: Circle MIND ... SEEN AND UNSEEN FORM .. AN ANCIENT PATH OF THE SEER

A MORE COMPLEX LOGOGRAM
DISCLOSING HUMAN UNIQUENESS

English term: MIND A FORCE that takes you into physics TO GAIN UNDERSTANDING OF THAT WORD

MEANING OF OUR TERM MIND THAT CAN ALSO BE DRAWN BY THAT CIRCLE:
YOU AND ME AND ALL HUMANITY

PRIMARY LOGOGRAM BEGAN WITH YOUR FIRST WORD SPOKEN
THAT ANOTHER HUMAN UNDERSTOOD

ADULTS CAN NOW SEE YOUR MIND
underneath your physical clothing of flesh
(SEERS saw the small with that important first word spoken)

BEFORE speaking your MIND HAD BEEN HIDDEN DUE TO LACK OF COORDINATION TO SPEAK

The circle logogram can be loosely describe as meaning IN THE BEGINNING.

This symbol was still without other mental attachments that you created at so young an age providing the adult term creativity that has not been lost relating to children. A logogram takes one into the electrical/chemical realm of the neurons within our own central nervous system. This is a type of LANGUAGE the human brain cannot learn to read and write.

FORM IS A KEY TERM TO GAIN AN UNDERSTANDING ...
THERE IS BOTH SEEN FORM AND UNSEEN FORM

Initiation in to the ream of the BINARY

YOU WALKED THROUGH THIS INITIATION WHEN YOU SPOKE YOUR FIRST WORD

In other cultures a newborne was protected by adults until this so important first word was spoken
Ours is a culture that does NOT HONOR children

Our culture is severely lacking Seers
to validate other human's unseen form given the English word MIND

SENSORY INPUT: My personal interest in Studying Physics as a unusal hobby (I've always admitted I'm a wee bit strange)

Our WINDOWS to view the WORLD around us:

PRIMARY SYMBOLS ARRIVING FROM CONCRETE THINKING OF CHILDHOOD

ORGANIZATION OF PRIMARY SYMBOLS IN OUR
PHYSICAL BODIES (an enclosed system)

CONCRETE THINKING

ABSTRACT THINKING

Senses are the physiological capacities within organisms that provide inputs for perception. The senses and their operation, classification, and theory are overlapping topics studied by a variety of fields, most notably neuroscience, cognitive psychology (or cognitive science), and philosophy of perception. The nervous system has a specific sensory system or organ, dedicated to each sense.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sense

UNDERSTANDING THE MEANING OF THE WORD IDEA WITH IT'S ATTACHMENT TO A MENTAL SYMBOL USED IN THE ELECTROCHEMICAL ACTIVITY OF OUR BRAIN

Example of my own ABSTRACT thinking with the IDEA from childhood given the name HOUSE by adults around me. If those adults called it a sksks NOT house
my brain would still attach it to the IDEA of a structure with people living in it

WINDOW is a 6-letter word with SYMBOLIC FLAVOR, and also a great deal of mental associations attached to this English word in my own mind with its brain accommodating. The MIND-BRAIN interactions of two ENERGY systems standing outside the sight of human's optic nerves. The above picture taken in March of 2008 during the remodeling of my over 80 year old now one-bedroom home that I designed especially for me. I have a large window in my living room, and 3 sliding glass doors and a window over my sink in this small 700 sq. foot structure that functions to protect and nurture me.

CONCRETE THINKING WITH IDEAS
IDEAS attached to SYMBOLS in their outer world

THE BINARY IDEAS OF
NURTURE AND PROTECTION

(A long time ago these were stored in the ideas attached to mother and father)

These VERY crucial IDEAS for you as an adult could have been initiated during this stage of concrete cognition

Adults need to know how they can NURTURE and PROTECT themselves as a task before entering adulthood.

IDEA - a simple 4 letter word but libraries have been written about this word

QUANTUM PHYSICS ...

Ideas

idea

early 15c., "figure, image, symbol," from L. idea "idea," and in Platonic philosophy "archetype," from Gk. idea "ideal prototype," lit. "look, form," from idein "to see," from PIE *wid-es-ya-, suffixed form of base *weid- "to see" (see vision). Sense of "result of thinking" first recorded 1640s.

Identifying fantasies and separating them outer environment received by input given us by our sense receptors within the Central Nervous System where in the brain is an enclosed system.

CONCRETE THINKING : CREATIVITY OF CHILDHOOD

ABSTRACT THINKING DRAWS PICTURES - CONCRETE THINKING DRAWS IDEAS and frequently to receive attention from adults because of their fine motor skills demonstrated the child will lose focus upon their inner ideas and switch to actions that appear to please adults


FORCE OF CREATIVITY - THINK ELECTRICAL CHEMICAL TRANSFORMATION in your body

CONCRETE THINKING: CONNECTING IDEAS
Using your crayons you were demonstrating to others your fine motor skills as a child
THOSE PICTURE WERE SYMBOLS OF YOUR IDEAS

Your IDEAS living in your own inner world could not be seen by others.

When you drew a picture of a person with your crayon
YOU BRAIN WAS SO BUSYING CONNECTING IDEAS

Adults may had names for those ideas but to you they were IDEAS that was like a FORCE within you

Others could only GUESS and could be wrong about what ideas you were taking from your mind and then expressing them out into the outer world by using your fine motor skills

ABSTRACT THINKING DRAWS PICTURES ... you were connecting different IDEAS in your stick people - that is CREATIVITY

ABSTRACT THINKING

A picture that EVERY PSCHYIATRIC WARD NEEDS IN A VERY VISIBLE PLACE FOR PATIENTS

A CELL WITHIN OUR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM WHERE THE BRAIN IS LOCATED

ENCLOSED SYSTEM a vital IDEA in understanding your own response of STRESS

APPLYING THE IDEA OF CLOSED SYSTEMS TO EVERY DAY LIFE IS DIFFICULT IN THE BEGINNING

A SYMBOL: CIRCLE

We each made a place for the IDEA of closed systems to ATTACH within the closed system of our brain.
The brain is a closed system within our CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM another CLOSED SYSTEM.
When we learned how to draw a simple circle during the CONCRETE thinking stage of our brain's development we were busying making an ACCOMMODATION in our brain for IDEAS to be attached when we birthed ABSTRACT THINKING around the times of our puberty.
Our brain ATTACHES IDEAS to SYMBOLS and NOT TO SPECIFIC WORDS!
Our brain's unique cells called NEURONS disclose the IDEA of the word ATTACH within the brain

ENCLOSED PLACE: In the realms of mental and material form

Pathway around east edge of the Pond, Summer 2010
The path I call "Treacherous" - a downhill path with a Cliff into the Pond

cliff

O.E. clif, from P.Gmc. *kliban (cf. O.S. clif, O.N. klif, O.H.G. klep, M.Du. klippe, Ger. Klippe "cliff, steep rock"), perhaps from PIE base *gleibh- "to adhere, be attached." Cliff-dweller first attested 1889, Amer.Eng.

Designing a yard to be able to have a CLIFF and it is little wonder I'm a hermit. My little mother was right, I just got myself too eccentric to hook a husband. Hook was her term, not mine and thoughts of fishing for a husband never cease to amuse me reminding me of jokes relating to the smell of dead fish ... and I laugh. I have yet to find the No Fishing Sign for my pond given the Pond Fish are getting sizable. Today they are beneath a thin layer of ice and are facing another winter. For some of them it will be their 3rd Winter under the ice.

Sitting on the edge of the Pond (a cliff of sorts)
4th of July 2008

Complexity within complexity has always seemed to describe this current earthwalk going back into my own earliest childhood memory. In my reading during my 30's I came across the idea of the importance of your earliest memory. What I would define as my own earliest memory was being in a stroller pushed by my mother and her singing the song, "Three Little Fishies". I discovered the following animation with that song on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK_wrM8OdGY

Within this now ancient memory, my older brother was walking next to me as I was being pushed and we were crossing a bridge with my mother singing her "fish song". I looked down through the slats of the boards of the bridge to see water below. As I grew up this was a familiar bridge we would cross on our walks and riding bikes to the swimming pool. This bridge in my hometown has subsequently been torn up and this street is now a dead end.

I carry an intention to build a bridge across my pond. Since I personally built my own Bog Bridge, bridges are something I enjoy.

In the Apple Tree Flower Bed - looking towards Bog Bridge
When it rains a lot the Pond overflows into the Cattail Bog, Bog overflows into Apple Tree Flower Bed

The Bog is over 2 feet of peat moss,
even after a 4" rain there is little drainage into the flower bed

My questionable Pond Assistants at edge of pond near Bog and Bird Bath Island
This is the Frog Area of the pond and frogs are more quick and clever than above dogs!
The Red Arrow points to the Pond level and subsequent overflow into the Cattail Bog
This area discloses another project needing completion

A VERY happy day in my memories!

Rubber pond liner is heavy and explains my 2008 4th of July Extravaganza and guest list.
My middle brother was Pond Liner Boss during its installation and I functioned as Bossy Woman telling him what I wanted.
I am standing by the Cyprus tree next to the Bog Bridge.

The Bog was manifested before the Pond.

When the Pond was just a Twinkle in my Eye

Bog Bridge was WHY I decided to invest in an electric screw driver for myself.
Tool subsequently snagged by Pond Liner Boss Brother in 2009 and another has replaced it!
There is no way I can repay my brother for his help during this earthwalk of mine

From 2009 Newsletter I mailed out to family and friends:


There are my stories of BRIDGES and CLIFFS as there are stories of BIG STICKS.

I'm always stealing someone's BUTTER, YESHODA and STRINGS that bind

Krishna and his foster mother Yeshoda

The story of Krishna, apart from its historical value and interest, is of great importance to the seeker after Truth. Nothing is known about the father and mother of Krishna. Some say he was of royal birth, and this means of kingly origin, from that King who is the king of all. Then he was given to the care of Yeshoda, who brought him us as his foster-mother. This is symbolical of the fact that the earthly parents are only the guardians, the real father and mother being God. It is said that in his childhood Krishna was fond of butter, and that he learned as a child to steal butter from everywhere. And the meaning of this is that wisdom is the butter of the whole of life. When life is churned through a wheel, then out of it comes butter; wisdom is gained by it. Krishna was stealing it, which means that wherever he found wisdom he learned it, and thus he benefited by everybody's experience.

There are two ways of learning wisdom. One way is that a person goes and drinks to excess, and falls down in the mud, and then the police take him to the police station and when he recovers from his drunkenness he cannot find his clothes and is horrified at his own appearance. This makes him realize what he has done. This is one way of learning, but it is possible that he does not learn. The other way of learning is that a young man is going along the street; he sees a drunken man, and realizes how terrible it is to be in this state; and from that he learns. That is stealing the butter.

-Hazrat Inayat Khan, a Sufi

I am also very much aware of my culture's focus upon correct spelling in my spoken and written English language system that is owned within our Institution of Education overseen by its own priesthood. If my Sufi MENTOR's compiled teachings and lectures sets out the spelling of the name of Krishna's foster-mother as YESHODA in contrast to YASHODA as that found in Hindu studies, I will spell it as I read that word so long ago in my middle 30's.

But then, I have only read from Hindu sources the BUTTER STORY of Krishna as to teach about him being tied to a tree to prevent him from his activities of his stealing butter as a child due to this childish love. BUTTER being seen as but a physical form in contrast to what I call a Wisdom Teaching given to me by a Sufi. I have so frequently said that an etymologist may spend their entire lifetimes learning ancient languages to enable those brief entries, and I come along and STEAL THEIR BUTTER that they churned with their own life energies.

My earth vessel got its name pinned on it at my birth in this particularized form in 1950 from a song liked by my parents. Reminding me of the proverbial twinkle in their eyes when they talked about that song in the later years of their lives with their own special memories of their love for each other that began in 1946.

In ancient times, many thought that spirituality meant being alone in a forest; this thought is dispelled by seeing Krishna and Radha together, thus showing that both mean God, not one alone. - Hazrat Inayat Khan, a Sufi

PARENTING

parent

late 12c., from O.Fr. parent (11c.), from L. parentem (nom. parens) "father or mother, ancestor," noun use of prp. of parere "bring forth, give birth to, produce," from PIE base *per- "to bring forth" (see pare). Began to replace native elder after c.1500. The verb is attested from 1660s. The verbal noun parenting is first recorded 1959 (earlier term had been parentcraft, 1930). (Emphasis mine)

PARENTING is a verbal noun and a term describable as in my own ACTIVE and spoken vocabulary employed easily in everyday conversations since about 1987 when I was 37 years old. I recall the actual Psychology of Child Development textbook from that time in my own life.

My own eyes view this human earth experience in its own unique way and I have to chuckle that the term PARENTING was seen birthed into the English language in 1959 coinciding with the same year as the birth of the Barbie doll when I was almost 9 years old and little girls began getting Barbies not dollies for Christmas.

March 9, 1959 – The Barbie doll debuts.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1959

Connecting or TYING the IDEAS of Krishna, butter, parenting, barbie doll brings to my mind the memories of my 3 brothers that would tie string from one ceiling corner of the living room of my family home to the curtain rods, and the string would become a real maze for them to slide their little plastic army men as if they were parachuting all over the room. This memory also includes my mother walking in to find her living room with string tied all over much like one huge spider web. To my mother this was describable as a MESS and to my 3 brothers it was a project that kept them busy and focused for quite a long time and to this sister it represented a chance for me to play with my toys without their ongoing annoying intrusions.

My older brother that lives in my childhood memories with his cowboy hat that I couldn't touch

This childhood memory of STRING remains today because when my mother walked into the house, she was with a woman that looked JUST LIKE HER, it was her older sister. My mother had been adopted when she was a toddler born in 1927 and once the youngest of a large family to then grow up as an only child. This was the only occasion that I had ever seen or would see this maternal aunt that lived in New York state and as a child was totally fascinated with someone that looked like my mother.

I still recall my mother's real embarrassment at having her sister walk into her living room with string stretching from one side to another and all over the place. As I also recall this other woman looking like my mother be so interested in what my 3 brothers had constructed with string and was not paying attention to my mother's apologies. It was if I had TWO mothers in that room of so long ago. As a child I could not understand my mother apologizing for my 3 brothers activities since it didn't seem to bother her sister one little bit.

I stole BUTTER from my 3 brothers that angered my mother so. It was then that I gained understanding that the term LIVING ROOM was really a silly word since you couldn't LIVE in that room. That was one of those rooms I then adjudged in my childhood concrete cognitive activities as a ROCK ROOM and one of those like a church where I had to PLAY LIKE I WAS A ROCK and sit really still and not mess around.

I chuckle since if someone ever walked into my home, you can be sure to find rocks somewhere given my seemingly innate attraction to them. One of those happiest days of my life was watching a dump truck back into the front yard of this Ashram and dump rocks that I subsequently carried all over the place ... finding a home for a rock demands contemplation and a good excuse to sit on one of my movable plastic lawn chairs with my cup of coffee.

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Krishna is usually regarded as the eight incarnation of lord Vishnu and was born in the Dvarpara Yuga as the "dark one". Lord Krishna is the embodiment of love and divine joy, that destroys all pain and sin. He is the protector of sacred utterances and cows. Krishna is an instigator of all forms of knowledge and born to establish the religion of love.
http://www.sanatansociety.org/hindu_gods_and_goddesses/krishna.htm

The transforming chairs of a 'Wandering Gypsy Nomad Philosopher'

The secret of life is that every soul by its nature is an Asman or Akasha, an accommodation, and has in it an appetite; and of all that it takes it creates a cover which surrounds it as a shell, and the life of that shell becomes dependent upon the same substance of which it is made.

The Hindu name for capacity is Akasha. People generally think that Akasha means the sky, but in reality it means everything. Everything in its turn is an Akasha, just as all substance is a capacity; and according to that capacity it produces what it is meant to produce. By studying anatomy one will find that the organs of the senses are all capacities according to their construction; and when that capacity is clogged, broken, or in any way troubled, then that organ of sense does not function properly.

-Hazrat Inayat Khan, a Sufi

PATIOS

My Contractor's Office under a Mulberry Tree next to the alley, Summer 2007

I chuckle with thinking that I packed up all my books and replaced them with my trusty shovel and pick ax during this transformational time of my life. I have a good friend that was raised in Afghanistan until his high school years during those times of the Russian invasion. He now lives out of state and when he calls to check up on me, he used to always call and ask, "Have you found your cave yet?" and then laugh. I would respond, "No, all the good ones in Afghanistan are now bombed". And, bombed would be an appropriate description of the way my little Ashram looked for some time.

Bedroom patio in front of my house 2007... now with my veggie garden next to it.

A 'Before and After' snapshot looking towards my Veggie Garden area ... my squash got carried away this year and ate my bedroom patio!

Three Ashram dogs in Summer 2010 conclude the Caretaker screwed up with the squash too close to their Morning Sunning patio.

patio

1818, "inner court open to the sky," from Sp. patio probably from O.Prov. patu, pati "untilled land, communal pasture," from L. pactum "agreement" (see pact). Another theory traces the Sp. word to L. patere "to lie open." Meaning "paved and enclosed terrace beside a building" first recorded 1941. Patio furniture is attested from 1969.

I can chuckle with the thought that PATIO FURNITURE was invented in 1969 back when I was in college maybe attending a draft card burning bonfire taking place at the University of Missouri. This English language system that I was born into never fails to amuse me.

The English term PATIO meaning 'paved and enclosed terrace beside a building' in contrast to an inner court is essentially recent having its linguistic birth in 1941 and by 1969 an industry focusing up patio furniture merchandising hits the streets as Vietnam war protesters were also hitting the streets. A story of outside furniture being replaced by patio furniture brought forth from my interest in etymology.

furniture

1520s, "act of furnishing," from M.Fr. fourniture, from fournir "furnish" (see furnish). Sense of "chairs, tables, etc.; household stuff" (1570s) is unique to English; most other European languages derive their words for this from L. mobile "movable."

I once would ask, just WHO invented chairs? No doubt one of those questions that my little mother used to say would drive her nuts. Growing up the furniture in the livingroom of our family home only represented something that my 3 brothers were always fighting about. There were good chairs and bad chairs and my oldest brother always won the best chair. The best chair being my father's recliner that would have to evacuated as soon as his truck pulled into the driveway.

Hazrat had a very good teaching story involving a chair:

Another thing is that you may not be innocent as the child is innocent. The child, if it has a diamond brooch and a thief wants to take it, will give it and not know what it is giving. You should be like the king in a story which tells that a king was sitting in his room in which were carved chairs, made like tiger's heads. The eyes of the tigers were diamonds and very beautiful. The king went to sleep. When he awoke, he saw that a thief had come into the room and was stealing the eyes of the tigers. The thief said, 'Hush! Don't tell anyone I am stealing the diamonds.' The king was much amused at his boldness and confidence, saying this to the king from whom he was stealing. So, knowing that he was a thief, he let him take the diamonds.

You should not do a kindness to an undeserving person, thinking that he deserves your kindness, for the next day you will discover that he does not deserve it, and you will repent. You should do a kindness to a person knowing that he does not deserve it. Then your kindness is very great and there is no repentance.

-Hazrat Inayat Khan, a Sufi

In 2008, I mailed via the mailman the following picture I 'cut and pasted' in one of my many Newsletters to family and friends. The three dogs primary function in the Ashram is to amuse the Caretaker as perhaps the thief amused the king in the above story with the thief and his boldness and confidence. The Ashram dogs also assist me in the designing of my paths. Watching dogs expressing their own unique beingness finds similarity to my watching birds or plants express their own unique beingness.

Humans disclose an innate instinct to mess around with Nature and dogs bear witness to this. Just as my building a pond on a backyard with a slope down to the alley. I can chuckle and say that the dogs have a linguistic connection to the Ashram pond:

pond

mid-13c., "artificially banked body of water," variant of pound "enclosed place" (see pound (n.2)). Jocular reference to "the Atlantic Ocean" dates from 1640s.

pound (n.2)

"enclosed place for animals," late O.E. pundfald "penfold, pound," related to pyndan "to dam up, enclose (water)," and thus from the same root as pond. Ultimate origin unknown; no certain cognates beyond Eng.

ENCLOSED PLACE

rahm - Arabic rahma: pity, compassion, forgiveness; sympathy, understanding; divine mercy. The root r-h-m also indicates womb; that which provides protection and nourishment, and that from which all of creation is brought into being.
Glossary for The Spiritual Message of Hazrat Inayat Khan
http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/mv_glossary.htm

The English language with its NOUNS and VERBS functions well for property ownership, however, it essentially sucks rotten eggs for transmitting the finer understanding of our own beingness expressed in an earthwalk as human.

As a little girl as I used to sit on a pew with my parents in the old hometown Presbyterian church, I perceived it as interesting that adults were so focused on where they would go after they die, yet showed no interest in where they had been before they were born. I did learn that was one topic that I shouldn't bring up when I sat on my little chair in a Sunday school class. Being a 'twinkling in my parent's eyes' just didn't cut it when I was a child and it was very apparent my teacher did not plan on our discussing that particular topic and was more focused upon our coloring pictures for our parents. SCHOOL and TEACHER comes in all shapes, varieties, colors and flavors, also.

No one knows what is a person's inner religion, his inner conception. And one will find many true souls whose heart is enclosed in a kind of hard shell, and no one knows that the very essence of God is in their heart, as the outer shell is so hard that no one can understand it. That is why a Sufi from Persia said, 'I went among the pious and the godly and was so often deceived; and I went among those who were looked down upon by others and among them I found real souls.' It is easy to blame, it is easy to look down upon someone, but it is difficult really to know how deep someone's soul is.
-Hazrat Inayat Khan, a Sufi

A WOMB is an ENCLOSED PLACE as is a pond or a dog pound and as is my childhood Presbyterian church building. WOMB is one of those terms that I personally classify as NOT being gifted the English language from an etymological root from the Latin language system within the ancient Roman Empire.

womb

O.E. wamb, womb "belly, uterus," from P.Gmc. *wambo (cf. O.N. vomb, O.Fris. wambe, M.Du. wamme, Du. wam, O.H.G. wamba, Ger. Wamme "belly, paunch," Goth. wamba "belly, womb," O.E. umbor "child"), of unknown origin.

My own physically manifested Ashram is my WOMB, an ENCLOSED PLACE wherein I not only survive, but also thrive.

asman - Farsi آسمان āsmān: heaven; sky, the celestial orb, the canopy of heaven. In esoteric terms, this is often used much the same as the Sanskrit akasha, to describe capacity or accommodation (see akasha)
Glossary for The Spiritual Message of Hazrat Inayat Khan
http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/mv_glossary.htm

Persian (local names: فارسی, Fārsi IPA: [fɒːɾˈsi]; or پارسی, Pārsi IPA: [pɒːɾˈsi], see Nomenclature) is an Iranian language within the Indo-Iranian branch of the Indo-European languages. It is widely spoken in Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and to some extent in Armenia, Iraq, Bahrain, and Oman.

The Persian language, whose native names are فارسی Fārsi, Pārsi, Dari or Pārsi-ye-Dari (Dari Persian), can be classified linguistically as a continuation of Middle Persian, the official religious and literary language of Sassanid Persia, itself a continuation of Old Persian, the language of Persian Empire in Achaemenids era. Persian is a pluricentric language and its grammar is similar to that of many contemporary European languages. The Persian language has been a medium for literary and scientific contributions to the eastern half of the Muslim world.

Persian has had a considerable influence on neighboring languages, particularly the Turkic languages in Central Asia, Caucasus, and Anatolia, neighboring Iranian languages, as well as Armenian, Arabic and other languages. It has also exerted a strong influence on South Asian languages, especially Urdu, as well as Hindi, Punjabi, Sindhi, Saraiki, Sylheti, and Bengali.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persian_language

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..Entry not finished ... have a GMO with my 3 adult daughters (Girls Morning Out)